Another Run

This morning I decided to push myself. I got up and I ran. I wanted to finish my run quickly and I wanted to run more than I did last week. I ran an entire 4 miles. I ran 11 minute miles. It was like I was running through the jello, right from the start.

I did it. I ran. Through jello.

Little Reminders

Have you ever had those experiences where they remind you off all that is good in your life, and then you say a little prayer of thanks, which you should have been doing the entire time? I know that was a very convoluted sentence, but do you know what I mean? Well, today was one of those days for me.

My cousin Courtney got into a car accident (she was just a passenger) that resulted in a serious knee injury. She has now had three surgeries trying to fix the issue. One of these surgeries was about 2 days ago. In this attempt they cut her bone and moved it over, cut muscles to tighten things up and remove any debris from scar tissue. Ouch. Oh, and did I mention that her 18th birthday was just 2 days before this said surgery?

Today I went to see her.

We needed to remove a needle catheter she had in her knee, dispensing drugs directly into the surgery site, clean this incision and redress the wound. As I helped my aunt through this process, I was removing bandages and holding Courtney's hand. The anguish that wracked her body was immediately evident through the tears, sobs and tightening grip. As I helped her through these moments I instantly recalled the same pain as I endured a similar surgery a few years ago. In that moment I was so empathetic and thankful in the same instance.

I understand the pain and I wanted to take it from her so she could be releaved; yet, I was thankful that my body functioned in the manner it was intended. It was a strange understanding and recognition. It was like the Lord reminded me just how good I do have it and far I have come.

Morning Run

So when you break your leg it takes an insanely long time to get back into the routines you once had, as well as build up the stamina that was previously so prevalent. I went running today and it was like pure torture. It was like I was going to die after running a single block. However, I was able to make it. I was able to put 5 miles behind me. After I got home I did a little bit of yoga which is nice.

Now I am sitting here. Tired. I might need a nap. it is only 11:30 in the morning. Oui. I cannot wait until this get easier and I have a bit of stamina back.

A Bit of Frustration, A Bit of Inspiration

I am more than a bit frustrated. I have been trying so hard to work out and eat healthy but ultimately it isn't changing much of anything. I can feel myself getting stronger but none of the crap is going anywhere. I am still round. I know that it takes a long time and a lot of work but it is so discouraging to keep working and never feel like you are getting anywhere. I wonder what would have happened if I had not broken my leg. I am sure that would have helped and I would have reached a lot more of my goals.

Now for the inspiration:

I found that a girl I went to school with has a blog. We were in the credential program together and although we were not that close I always found her interesting and somebody that I looked to for various things: lesson plan ideas, running trails and other fun festivities. Well I think she is fantastic and she has a lot of good ideas both for running and food on her blog.

I think right now I need to focus on getting myself back into a good place. I find that I am being a bit snappy to strangers (especially while I am driving: like today when somebody was driving the wrong direction in a one way lane), feeling frustrated with people around me, and just generally not in that place of being ok.

Things are changing.

You know those times in your life where everything is starting to change because you are actually trying to make them change? There is excitement, hard work, anxiety...but mostly, anticipation. It is like when you are in school and you are working so hard to get an education and finish and then as it approaches you start freaking out: "ah! what the heck am I going to do now?" "well I didn't actually think this day would get here!?!" "YAY! I AM DONE! I AM DONE! oh no wait!!!! I don't get financial aid anymore?! CRAP!"

I have been working hard to see changes. Changes within myself, changes in my lifestyle, changes in my relationships that mean the most to me. Interestingly enough I am actually starting to see some of those changes. Now granted they are just small things, but things I am excited about nonetheless. I am sure some of them are things that most people would never even notice really. Example 1: when I stand with my feet shoulder width apart now, my thighs don't touch. I mean I am sure most of you don't know what I am talking about because most of my friends are gorgeous and tiny, but to me this is HUGE! I have been dealing with weight ever since that magical day when I was 11 and puberty decided to hit with avengence bringing a monthly gift of grief. I have been working hard at working out at least 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day. It is hard, but it is working. I am changing. It brings me joy. Example 2: Over the past 2 years I have grown to LOVE golf. I have never been great mostly because I don't have time to practice ever, but also because I don't have a ton of upper body strength. Lately, I have been hitting all of my clubs longer, straighter, and higher. I have not been practicing a ton more or anything but a simple tip from an observer and the working out to build strength, have helped so much.

It is interesting. I think most people are afraid of change because they are not the ones instigating that change. I say, "If you don't like life the way it is, figure out a better option and make the change."

I am.