Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
When you wear it the axe looks as though it is stuck in the scalp...however if you didn't notice this is a battle axe, not a mountain climbers axe...do you think it matters that much?
**ps I will try to post a picture of the student wearing it a little later...
Monday, November 9, 2009
I like having dinner with my parents. My mom cooks so well and it means that I get a free meal.
p.s. I finished week 4 today. my ipod died and I had to make it up as I went along. I think I ran longer than I needed to. YES!
Friday, November 6, 2009
oh I am tired...I am done writing now...sorry to be a bit of a tease without a real update...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Everyday I leave my house around 6:30 am. I brave the morning traffic and 45 minute drive to get to work. I teach a single class. I then have a 4 hour break where I go to work out and shower at my parents house. I come back to school to run a theatre rehearsal and then teach 2 more classes. I have another theatre rehearsal and then leave to go to another job. This other job changes depending on the day. It is finally time to go home and I walk through the door at about 7:30 pm on the early days.
I work very hard and then I get a paycheck at the end of the month. I analyzed this paycheck and realize they took literally half of my paycheck for taxes. That is what I said HALF!
It is crazy. It isn't much fun. I am tired.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween was the most fun I have ever had at a party. It was awesome! When we got there it was already packed. We only knew one other person at the party but we played games, enjoyed new experiences, observed costumes, laughed and talked with random individuals. I am not going to lie...I was REALLY paying for it on Sunday morning too when I thought my head might just explode and my feet might just fall off...I had an amazing evening out with my chicken.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Well today I am a substitute teacher which means that I am working literally ALL day long from 7:30 in the morning to 6:00 tonight. That is 10 and a half hours of literal straight work. Not the figurative work that I do most other days. I also don't get to work out because I will be making sure kids don't burn down buildings and attempt to do some work. I have already had to take away 2 electronic devices because they are not allowed on campus during school hours. I currently have a student glaring at me because I took away his ipod at the beginning of the period. I am pretty sure he is playing with his phone now...apparently he doesn't learn very quickly.
Oh well. This is really easy work for a quite a bit more pay.
I am tired. This weekend is going to be rad though.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
This is the setting that somebody used to be funny and pull the fire alarm. That is right. This means that we have to evacuate.
My class ran out to their evacuation zone. we stood in the ran for 5 minutes. we were allowed back in. In that amount of time it was enough to make me more than soaked. My pants are literally drenched and my hair is now dripping down my back. I don't get to go home until 7:00 tonight...this is going to be fun soaking wet.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I need to prepare for my CAHSEE prep class that I am going to start teaching now. Enjoy your day :)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
I am trying to move on. I am trying to talk to more guys and see where things take me. I am a little scared though. I want to continue to be friends with Jt and I don't want to hurt him when I go out on a date. I know he would do it to me but I have a feeling that I bounce back better than he does. The only problem is that I am afraid of guys and meeting new people is not always fun and easy.
breathe Brittney. just breathe and do it...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I think as individuals we get into these self destructive modes where we say things that we don't necessarily mean. Where we do things that are not really the way we want things to come out. I feel like something has happened to make us stray so far off course that the anger we feel for other people and other situations plays against those people that mean the most to us. I fear that there are things that are said that were not meant. I fear that the damage is un-mendable. When are we going to forget about our hostilities to others and just be us with us?
Yesterday was a bad day. It was one of those days that you hope was just a dream when you wake up in the morning...I woke up this morning and nothing can take away the things that were said, the pain that is caused, or the anxiety that it leaves.
are we over?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
it is also a time where I look around and realize how many friends I don't have because they have left...I am down to my last one :(
how does one make friends? how does one make friends when they are juggling 4 jobs?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
So some idiot in Stockton decided it was a good idea to run from the cops and create a huge car chase. This happened in the dead of night Monday/Tuesday morning. Around 2:00 am the car chase ended in a cop being pinned between two cars and open gun fire ringing through the night air on the off ramp of Laguna Blvd. I-5 south in Elk Grove.
Jump forward to my doctor appointment Tuesday midmorning (11:30) where I need to travel down I-5 south to Laguna Blvd. and get to my appointment...but oh wait I can't because the exit is closed for investigations. Alright...so now I have to drive all the way down Florin Blvd. to hit highway 99 and then cut south on 99 to Laguna Blvd. and drive from that direction. Therefore, I am late. When I walk into the doctor office it is 11:40. I go to check in. She makes a phone call to the back and says I cannot check in until they call her back and I need to have a seat. I sit. She recieves the call back and the verdict "You are going to have to reschedule." You have got to be kidding me! I cannot reschedule! I have already taken the whole afternoon off work for this! "I am sorry let me get somebody that you can talk to."
Other lady emerges from the back room. "I am sorry ma'am but you are going to have to reschedule because we have a policy that if you are 15 minutes late we move on to the next appointment and therefore the doctor is already with the next patient." I wasn't fifteen minutes late. I was only ten minutes late because somebody decided to shoot at the cops and they closed your freeway exit. How was I supposed to get here any quicker? "leave earlier" Are you kidding me this is ridiculous. I cannot reschedule. I have to be seen. "Let me go talk to the doctor and see what I can do"
"The doctor has another appointment at 1:00 pm in Folsom and if he doesn't leave then he will be late." Then let me see a different doctor I have never met this guy anyways. "I am sorry but the other GI doctor is out until October." Of course he is.
I reschedule..."August 31 is the soonest we can get you in at 1:45" No, I am a teacher and cannot get days off whenever I feel like it. I have to be seen sooner than that. "There are no appointments sooner than that." What about Saturday. I can come in on a Saturday. "We are closed Saturdays." Well then you better open huh. "I am sorry we cannot do that. How about a 3:30 on August 31st? Is that better?" Actually no but I guess I don't really have a choice do I? So the fact that I was ten minutes late means you are refusing to see me but the fact that you have been dragging this out for a year doesn't seem to bother you? Or that you change my appointments constantly becuase you feel like whether it is convient for me or not? Or perhaps that it takes over four months to get a procedure done...none of this matters but me being ten minutes late seems to mean that I am ruining your whole system?!?!
This is assinine!!!
I will be seen on August 31st at 3:30...and this doctor WILL get a piece of my mind!
Friday, August 21, 2009
ps. I am moving into my new place tomorrow!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I have no place to live still. August 16th marks my last day of housing and the first day of homelessness. I could find a new apartment but without a job I doubt that I will be much of an asset in any apartment complex. I also don't want to get an apartment somewhere and find that it is a couple hours away from the job I am eventually given. This is a highly stressful sensation, knowing that things will ultimately work out but not knowing how, when or where.
I just hope that it works out soon and I am not left in a state of uncretainty for much longer.
I have a second interview with Natomas Charter School...hopefully it goes well.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
In the morning I decided to clean the kitchen and in so doing i found 3 bananas that had been forgotten about...hating throwing food away (especially when I am poor)...I decided to make banana bread. I have never made banana bread so it was a new adventure and seriously the easiest thing I have ever made. The bread turned out great! I think that this will actually be something i continue to do in the future.
After bread I went to play golf with Jt. We were able to get a full round in because absolutely nobody was on the golf course and we never had to wait once or hurry up because people were behind us...it was awesome! While we were golfing I was able fix my swing with a little help from the Jt and then I had the best round ever! I even birdied 4! It was fabulous.
Once we were done golfing the sun was almost completely down and so we went to the driving range to hit some balls and wait for the fireworks. While we were there we played with the fireworks we had bought in Woodland because I have never played with fireworks. I know it is miraculous but true. We were never allowed to get any when I was a kid. They are the coolest things I have ever experienced. I really love fire! :)
Our night ended with a lot of bangs and laughter. By the time we got home it was almost midnight. I slept so well. I did not get up until noon! It was fabulous!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
- A. He doesn't understand the whole "Marco" "polo" thing...you know when you are looking for someone and you say "Marco" and they are supposed to reply with "polo"... well when I texted with the "Marco" I got nothing...seriously lame!
- 2. He was not completely unfortunate looking but seriously not attractive either. I am honestly not trying to be mean but seriously folks...check out the picture (I know he is looking down but you get the idea)
- D. He was an awful conversationalist! I mean he went on for over 20 minutes about various linguistic things...I don't care! Boring...talk about something more interesting maybe!
- LASTLY: Here is the real catcher! He asked if my parents were still together (yes) and proceeded to say "wow that is really strange" (ok divorce is a growing epidemic that is fine) "Divorce is a growing wave in my country all because woman have more choices now and can make more decisions." (wait...WHAT?!? Are you seriously blaming divorce on women?) "It is always going to happen because people grow differently." (yes that is why you want to wait and find somebody that grows with you so you can grow together) "That is not possible because everybody is different. You will never find anybody that will grow with you."
So in the nutshell that was my date. It sucked...badly. I walked out of there yawning from boredom (and because he didn't want to meet til really late) and offended by his views of women and marriage...ugh. dating sucks.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Today is the last day of the school year. In exactly 14 minutes I will be free from work for an entire 3 months...or longer depending on how the pink slip notes go. This week has been absolutely hectic. I have been trying to get everything done and get some sleep on the basis that I was so tired I thought I was going to die...let me start at the beginning.
Sunday night I went to WICKED! I loved it! Of course I have seen it before but it was still wonderful. I had dinner down the street at a fabulous steak house grill. It was wonderful. I went with my mom and her best friend Diane. The only down side were the extremely gay two young boys sitting next to me that were talking and singing through the entire thing. They were very annoying. However the show itself it just wonderful and they did an awesome job!
This week has been finals. At the beginning of the week I thought I was going to die because there was SO much work to be done. I was behind on my grading and I still needed to get everything organized for finals. It was crazy. Although it was insane, I was able to make it through. Now I just have to do graduation tonight and I am done.
Monday night (after WICKED on Sunday) I went to a private concert by Gloriana. This is a brand new country group and they are actually pretty good. I won the opportunity to go see them on the radio and I got to take one guest and we ate amazing food from Morton's steak house in Sacramento and then watched them perform a few songs. They were really good...here are some photos of our seats.
The bell has rung...I am now free :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
I have planted a couple friends to conviently show up in the same place around the same time so that incase it is awful beyond all reason I can get out...I know that is pretty childish of me but honestly I don't particularly want to go. I would much rather stay home with my puppy dog and kitty dogs...with the potential of seeing the guy that I still love...the one I am not allowed to love, the one I am trying to get over by doing this...
ugh. Rocks and hard places are really not fun.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Here is what I’ve been told:
- The Board will meet
6/09/09and determine layoffs
- Classes sizes will go to 38-1 next year
- There is very little chance of teachers coming back from initial layoffs in March
- Vanden will be cutting 6 FTE. Mathematically it works out to 6.6 FTE
- English will lose over one FTE. Math will lose over one FTE. Science will lose over one FTE. Social Science will lose about one FTE. I’m not sure where the other cuts will come.
- Visual Arts will go to 34-1
- Career Tech will go to 30-1
- English 38-1 (This translates into over 1 FTE layoff. Keep in mind Golden West is slated to lose 4-5 FTE total)
- Foreign Language will go to 38-1
- Math will go to 38-1
- Physical Ed will go to 50-1
- Science will go to 32-1
- Social Science will go to 38-1
- Health will go to 38-1
The district is planning to purchase furniture
Golden West will be forced to eliminate 4-5 FTE
Tech is not scheduled for reductions
Questions that were not answered:
Can the district support 4 levels of language at Vanden?
What else will be cut?
It is unclear who will lose their job since bumping rights come into play. Teachers with more time in Travis may move from other school sites into jobs at Vanden. Senior members of our department understand this process more than I do.
Here are some ideas being contemplated around the nation in order to preserve core programs and class sizes. These are not my recommendations, but they are things I’ve read about when mammoth budget cuts hit. They aren’t pretty, but I can see how other districts are trying to keep cuts as far away from the classroom as possible. That might not be too bad of an idea. I’m certain our trusty leadership is looking into alternate ways to avert such a catastrophic degradation of learning conditions.
(1) Axe sports. The kids can play in a city league. Or they can fundraise to make their sports happen.
(2) Eliminate district office clerical staff. If teachers have no secretaries, why do administrators get so many of them?
(3) Eliminate standardized testing. It costs the state a ton of money. It's a luxury for when we have money.
(4) On the days there would've been testing, furlough everyone in the district and reduce their pay by that amount.
(5) Charge students and parents for things not required by ed-code (lab fees, art fees, bus fees, parking fees).
(6) Add minutes to each school day in order to eliminate a day or two from the calendar. Those days will save on electricity, busses, etc.
(7) Get rid of career/college counselors. Kids can research on their own online.
(8) Eliminate libraries. Make the kids go to the county and city libraries.
(9) Increase class sizes to 25 per teacher in K-3, an in-between number.
(10) Sell ad space (on student handouts, lockers, desktops) to local and national businesses.
(11) Merge districts. Companies merge to save on overhead and corporate office expenses. It's streamlining.
(12) Eliminate campus monitors, yard duty supervisors. Call 911 when there's a fight or an injury.
(13) Do not hire consultants or lawyers for the district. Delay these expenses until there is money.
(14) Rent land and facilities. Schools sit empty at night, on weekends, and during the summer. Rent the space out to another group. The gyms can become health clubs when not being used.
It doesn't look good for me. I wont know anything definite for a while but it honestly doesn't look good.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
I did go to the store and use the last of my money to buy a few groceries...hopefully they will last me for 2 weeks. I have a feeling they will for I am smart girl and bought things that I could use...ugh I really look forward to the day that money is not a issue and I can live comfortably. That day will come right?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I am currently attached to an idea. An idea that is so cozy and warm. One that keep you safe and surrounds you with the warm fuzzies of comfort. I mean I know that this idea can be true and has been true but I appear to be hanging on to the comfort of what once was instead of what can be again. It is difficult for me to let go even though I know it is the best thing for me to do...
An ethereal ocean of nonexistence...that is where I am currently swimming...
...we are over...over over.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Although school is almost over, this is probably the hardest part of the year because the students get so squirrelly that it is hard to accomplish anything. Some teachers will use this as an excuse not to be productive; I use it as a reason to crack down. I want my students to know that my class lasts all the way through the last day and there will be no breaks because honestly when they get into the work force there are not going to be breaks all the time like they get now! I know that this makes my students think that I am not friendly and I am too strict...my response to that "suck it up!"
As far as things go in my relationship life...well even if I tried to explain it, it wouldn't make any sense so lets just leave it at that.
Friday, May 8, 2009
not only did I fall in love with somebody that I shouldn't have...I can't make myself quit him. I mean in my head it completely makes sense. In my head I know that I should be moving forward and forgetting about all the "good" things that we had before. I know that I need to move on and allow myself to find love with another individual but my heart honestly doesn't want to let go regardless of how much it makes sense.
Learning to grow up and be mature is not easy. I wonder if I will ever make it there...I need to make it there are quit this addiction that is my ex...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Diane told me I need to cut off all communication. I need to ask him to stop texting, stop calling and get my key back for my apartment. It hurts so bad. The mere idea of it is heart wrenching and painful. I know that I need to do it. I know that I need to fix things in my life so that I can get back on my feet and move on...it is just the scarriest thing I have ever done. I don't know how to breath right now. I am scared.
I want what is best for me but I have to put my big boy pants on and do it. I need to open my heart to mending.
At Mama's birthday dinner it was only Mom, Dad, Diane and me. It was a lot of fun until Diane felt the need to start giving me the break up talk. She made me cry. I know that what she is saying is true but honestly I cannot bring myself to do it. I don't want to stop talking to him and cut him off. I need to do it though. We are going to a Giant's game on 17 May...after that I seriously need to consider ending it...completely.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I am tired. I don't feel well. Yesterday I got really sick but with a lot of sleep I feel a bit better. I just wish I could sleep more. I like sleep. Sleep likes me. We have an amazing affair every once in a while. I wish it was more often...but alas.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I also have to decide what I am going to do with my personal relationships. I am no longer in a relationship and I know that it is for the best but I have to figure out what I am going to do now. Now don't get me wrong, I never thought that my life would be over if Jt and I were no longer one...but then I also never thought that Jt and I were going to stop being Jt and me. I think when you come to these moments in your life it is really a make or break moment...so I guess that is the true question and decision that I have to make: am I going to make it or break it?
I want to succeed but I am also afraid of taking the big risks that I think are going to be vital to achieving the ultimate happiness that I know I want...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Today start testing started at my lovely school. Now most of us, teachers that is, HATE star testing with a vehement passion! It is seriously the most boring waste of time ever! We are not supposed to read, grade work, lesson plan or anything while we are observing/administering the star test. It is really quite stupid we are supposed to literally stare at students who are taking a test. It is stupid. However I think they are doing it a little differently this year; I only had to worry about star testing for an hour today. At 8:40 I was done with the testing and because I don't teach first period I have a nice long break until 10:24...I thought this was pretty cool. Almost 2 hours before I am technically responsible for any students. YES!
On a completely different note: I am ready Eat, Pray, Love right now. I honestly think that this book is what is helping me the most in this search for healing. I don't exactly know what it is doing to my brain and me but I do know that with everything I read I think of a new thing that could help either Jt or me. Through reading I have been able to adopt some perspective and in so doing a few ideas that are not too shabby as to what might help us. I don't mean that I will be moving to Italy, India or Indonesia any time soon (some of her experiences sound absolutely awful to be honest...who would want to live in India for four months where they had to get up at 3:30 in the morning and don't get to go to bed till at least 9:00 at nigt...not me! I like sleeping) However, I do believe that there are some things she does that I need to do in order to help me heal my soul as well as myself. I have a feeling that the more I read this book the better and better I am going to feel. I also know that as I learn to accept these things and heal my heart I will be in a better situation to be loved by somebody the way that I love them...something that was seriously missing from my last relationship.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Why did I do it? Why did I open myself up again after I said I wouldn't? All I did was open myself up for heartache and misery. I don't think love actually exists. If it did truly exist nobody would be sitting here feeling the way I feel. Nobody would hurt this much after falling in love.
I wish I could take it back. I wish i could take back all of the time, effort, kindness, laughter and love I ever felt for him. I wish it would all just disappear and the world would go back to the way it was before my heart was broken into a trillion million tiny pieces for the second time. I wish it would all go away back to before it ever existed, back before I was hurt...again.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I want to reverse time and get back to the moment before all this pain started. I want to freeze it right there and never move again. I can be stopped in time and that would be ok with me. I just don't want to hurt like this forever.
I don't want to sit here alone crying. it hurts and I don't like it.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Although it is going to be difficult it needs to happen. We both need some healing. It is very different healing but it is still very necessary.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I haven't figured out what is going on with that boy and I yet but I actually feel strangely ok with where we are. Yesterday at work I only had one student so I wrote a letter to him. It was pretty much everything I thought about the whole situation, even down to knowing that I can find happiness else where if that is the choice that we make. I am not delusional. I know that if everything does not work out with Jt I will be happy later. I know that I can find somebody else that I will love and want to be with...the stupid part is that right now I don't really want to go down that road. I don't know what is going on. I know the logical thing to do. I know what any safe and normal person would do but then I am afraid that if I take the safe road I will constantly look back and say "what if?" I don't want to do that. I might be being a baby about the whole thing but I do love him. I do want to be with him forever. I just need to know that he isn't going to freak out a few months from now...I need to know that I am not in danger of getting hurt all the time. I don't like it when he makes me cry and I don't want to cry anymore. I am confused.
Well correction: I am not confused I know what I want. I just don't know if I am going to be able to get it.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
If you have ever seen The Holiday you know the pain that I am talking about. This is the pain that Kate Winslet puts herself through every time her illfitted man returns. The pain that says you cannot say no regarddless of how much it hurts you to say yes. i feel that I am going to be Kate. I am going to be the stupid girl that will do anything to be with him and see him happy, all the while I am getting my heart torn out about every 15 minutes. I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be the girl that is crying incessantly. I think that I need to crawl into a hole and figure out how to take back myself. I need to figure out how to stop loving him. I love him so much and all it is bringing me is heart ache over and over again. How do you learn to stop loving somebody that you don't want to stop loving? I am glad that I am helping him learn and understand himself but I am afraid that I will lose myself in the process.
I don't want to be lost and I don't want to be crying...
I am a bit lost.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Since I was already here early and I had made copies of all of my tests yesterday I decided to participate in the school blood drive. Now I have mixed feelings about blood drives. I think that it is good to donate blood because it helps save lives and the forth but dude. I feel like the phlebodimsits need to be better trained or something because honestly the stabbing around in the arm for 45 minutes is not much fun. Thankfully I got a relatively skilled technician this time and was only stabbed a few times instead of the usual 500. Unfortunately, they were not prepared for me to be the first patient (due to my first period prep) and thus I did not spend the requisite 15 minutes in the little food grotto before leaving to teach my second period class.
The rest of my day is packed too. I have to finish teaching (which wont be bad because I have five classes: 3 of them have tests and the other 2 are continuing to watch a movie...hopefully this means I will get some grading done), pick up some cheesecake, shower and get dressed up at the parentals, move a ton of furniture from my classroom and host the murder mystery dessert we are having tonight at 7:30. I wont get home til at least 10:30. It is going to suck. Then I have to work 2 jobs tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it...
...what I am looking forward to is Friday, my first day of Spring Break!! I am going to sleep in and enjoy the wonder that is not working! :) It is going to be lovely! And since things are ok with my best friend I wont even have that stress to bum me out...ahh I am living the good life.
(on a completely unrelated note, kind of, school is almost out! Life is very nice to me right now)
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
While I was there I talked to a colleague of mine that I greatly admire and respect. This individual is actually one of the people I would like to most be like in my life. He carries himself with such utmost dignity that is astounds me. While I was talking to him he mentioned that he had heard about my situation through the grapevine. He said he was getting ready to move back to Davis this coming weekend. I inquired why and he told me for similar reasons. We began talking about our different situations and had a fabulous and enlightening time about the differences. He told me that his break up had started back in December so they had been through absolutely every conversation about it possible. When I explained ther I got no explanation at all he agreed with Amber when she said that I deserved an explanation after having been together for so long. That was the moment I decided that it was it, I had to get answers and I had to call him out.
So that is exactly what I did. After I got home from the prom I went over and I called him at. It was a fabulously intense conversation and everything that I thought was true really was. I don't real feel comfrotable listing everything that we talked about here and it really was a personal conversation. Basically we both decided that being best friends is what we need and we both need something more. We are in a great place for our relationship and I know that we are going to be fabulous friends for the rest of our lives. Maybe if we both figure things out and we both make some changes we can be more. But he is not what I need right now and I need to move away from being in love with him and move toward loving him as my best friend.
I have a feeling that we are going to become Will and Grace...sans him being gay of course :)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Why does this not hurt him like it hurts me? Why am I left her to suffer alone? Does he lie awake at night thinking about me and knowing that we cannot be together? Does he cry over the lost love and friendship that we will never have back? Does it hurt him to breathe? to get our of bed? To continue on with life like nothing is the matter? Does he not have an appetite? Is he lonely and suffering the way that I am? When he breathes do his sides ache with the pain of loneliness and fear of the lost love? Why was I not good enough? Why did he never love me the same way that I loved him? How am I supposed to go on living like the most important part of my life was not just ripped from me?
It honestly feels like I have lost a limb and can no longer function. I don't know how to living without him in my life, by my side, protecting me from this hurt...instead of causing it.
I am in the middle of fourth period and I cannot help myself from crying. I don't like feeling this hallow emptiness. I don't like knowing that life has to go on without him. That I have to learn to live all over again while this isn't even affecting him or his life.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Yesterday he was in my house for an undisclosed amount of time. When I was feeding Reeses I noticed that there were a lot more beers in the recycle bin. I looked in the fridge and there was a lot of beer missing from there too. Therefore he had to have come for quite a while to have gone through so many, and he probably took some home with him too. Why was he there? That is my house. He did this he isn't allowed to come in whenever he wants just because he still has the key. If he didn't want to leave then he shouldn't have. He cannot have it both ways though. He cannot break my heart and come in whenever he wants. That isn't fair to me.
I spent the entire lunch hysterical. 32 minutes of just straight blubbering. I am sure that if the door had been unlocked and somebody had walked in I would have been quite the sight. I am having trouble functioning normally. I don't understand what is going on or what to do. I feel like fundamental truths are caving in on me and I have somewhat lost my identity in this whole mess. I don't know how I am going to keep going but I know that it has to happen.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Now let me clarify a couple of things. Just because the above mentioned paragraph clearly shows that I am more accurately equiped to do my job than you are, does not mean that there is not room for learning and improvement. I thrive on the idea that I can continue to learn new techniques and become a better individual both in the classroom as well as on the stage. All I am saying is...
I did not rack up more than $130,000 in student loan debt to be treated this way by a 12 year old.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I am having the most trouble with my seniors. the seniors have decided that I am pretty much worthless and so they are spreading these "facts" on to the younger classes. When I originally started the year I had over 40 freshmen that were super excited about theatre and learning new things. Now I don't have many at all. I want to create an atmosphere for students to be able to learn and grow, not just hang out and talk with there friend; they can do that at lunch. The problem is that the seniors are doing everything in their power to destroy the shine of the freshmen and bring them down.
I am over it. I am over teaching and I want to move on to something that I am seriously good at and wont be chastised for every six seconds by individuals that obviously don't know what they are talking about. Does a job like this actually exist? Is is possible to find a place that is so securely my own that I will not feel the wrath of those that are far less qualified but obviously more vocal? I sit here and I wonder...is teaching really the profession for me? Should I move on to something that is more suited for my nature?
Can I just be a student for the rest of my life? Is that allowed?