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heart breaks heal slowly and hurt a ton. Even the ones after fights that you know you will be past in a few days. It feels like a few days takes forever. Please pass more quickly.

Frustration with Journalism

On campus we have a journalism club and class. Every so often they print and distribute a school paper that is supposed to represent all things on campus. The problem is that what actually gets covered is a whole lot of sports and other highly important things like Ugly Sweater Day and Prom. It is frustrating that when we have just produced the biggest show at Vanden in 8 years, barely anything. The other problem is that which was said about the show, was wrong.

Today the paper came out and stated that Annie, the show I slaved over for 3 really really long months, was actually directed by Tabitha Angier, my stage manager. Also the band teacher directed an orchestra pit that was was same size as my cast. Orchestra: 15 musicians (3 hired professionals), Cast: 31 students...how are those the same size?

Ultimately I know that these are small errors but after an article in the last paper that was SO bad it looked like a small small child wrote it, these small errors are even more upsetting.

When I went to speak with the journalism teacher about these things all she said was, "They are kids." Well I know they are just kids but I was able to take my 31 students and put together a huge musical. Why can't she take her 30 kids and put together an accurate edited paper? If there are kids set up to edit and check facts, why aren't they being checked?

I am angry.

Roller Coasters

I cannot stand how life throws you rollercoasters. I like things to be fun. Working. Smooth. Alright you can all stop laughing. I am serious here. There are short periods of time when things just go right for people. Like the young summer love that is just perfect for 3 whole months. The blur of first being able to drive. These are usually instances that are just great while they last and either end up imploding or just losing its allure through regularity. Anyways, moving on.

Right now things are just not going well. Mom is fine, Kim is in holding, I have a broken leg and I am just a bit tired. It is like there are just things in my life that when they start to go sour, everything goes down hill with great speed and motivation.

Right now I am struggling with so many things on my mind. That I cannot focus on any one thing. I am actually currently, watching a documentary, writing a test and updating my blog. I am a freak of inattentiveness. When things start to go crazy it always has to leak into my personal life too, my life of relationships. I don't like that. I don't like feeling icky and uneasy.

I wish I could go to sleep and just wake up when it is all over again.

Tear Stained Cheeks...

5 years ago I was in a knee brace with a broken arm. I tore my ACL and broke my wrist playing indoor soccer. Many many people remember this. I have pictures and I distinctly remember the hours of pain and agony as I endured through casts, braces, surgery and physical therapy death. This was in Southern California.

While I was dealing with this pain, my sister was in Northern California dealing with her own nightmares. She was diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma, a soft tissue cancer. She had surgery after surgery, lengthy hospital stays, radiation and deformed scars.

Today a new round of news has reached our family. It looks like I might have re-torn my ACL. I was attempting to learn to snowboard but tried to save a small girl from dying at my hand and ended up hurting myself. I have to get a confirming MRI but the way the doctor was talking today it is pretty sure that I will be having another knee surgery. My sister also got some test results back from her pap smear...abnormal cancer cells were found. This is a different cancer than last time and she now has to see more specialists. As though this were not enough for my poor family, Mom has been called back in to get more mammography pictures taken and they wont tell us why.

We are stuck in a bad cycle and are now just waiting. I was hoping to never feel this pain again. I am afraid.


Please pray for us.

Shamrockn' Good Time

So for some reason I am a huge idiot and decided that I needed to run a half marathon. This is probably not the best idea I have ever had because it means that I need to get myself into shape and run a lot. I originally started running again back in September because I have a huge stupid break in the middle of my day that I didn't know what to do with myself. This break turned into a good thing because I have been running 3-5 times a week since then. Somewhere along the line some coworkers started talking about running a half; somehow I got dragged into the equation.

In the beginning, when I was only running a mile or two I thought there was no way that I could ever run the full half marathon. This was ok because there were plenty other people I knew that were going to walk or run/walk the entire course.

I have kept running. I can now run 4.5 miles in less than an hour and without stopping. I have run up to 8 miles without stopping and I am still going. This weekend I am trying to run 9-10 miles. A few months ago I could never even imagine running this much.

I LOVE IT!

I love getting ready. I love listening to my ipod. I love pushing myself farther and farther. When I don't run I get all messed up and upset. I love the feeling after I run and I really really enjoy the rhythmic beat that my breathing and foot fall makes on the pavement.

On March 14th I will be one of many many many runners hitting the pavement in Sacramento for the annual;

Shamrockn' Half Marathon

Saturday School

At the beginning of every year the administration asks who would like to be put on the Saturday school rotation. This means that every so often you are in charge of watching the "bad" students on Saturday morning for 4 straight hours. Because I was not full time, I thought that this would be a good way to make at least a little bit of money. The first time I was up on the rotation it was really really easy. I only had 10 students and they followed directions and it wasn't that big of a deal. Well now it is a lot harder. I am currently sitting in a room full of 29 students that do not want to listen or do the work that they were supposed to bring with them. We have been here for almost 4 hours and I am not going to lie...it sucks. This is the kind of sucking that you think to yourself, "this is honestly not worth my $38.21 an hour pay. It sucks. I am honestly just a babysitter. The students are to sit silently and work. They are not supposed to talk to each other or take out any sort of electronic device. It is lame and I don't like doing it. I had never signed up before so I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.

I have a feeling by the time we get closer to noon it is going to degrade into "as long as you are not talking I don't care what you are doing" ugh this sucks.

FML

So my classroom is really really cold. the last time they came in to check the heat with their little sensor gun it said 46 degrees. Well the maintenance department has been trying to fix my heater (an subsequently stuck on AC) for about a week. They needed to order a part so it has a very cold week. On day 2 of these escapades the maintenance men brought me a small heater. This is not nearly big enough to heat my entire room, which is huge so my TA and I have been hoarding it next to the desk because everybody else is up and moving around anyways...

So yesterday I came up with the brilliant idea to put the heater under my desk so that it would hit the desk and fan out a bit more around me. This worked like a charm. This morning when I got in my room was inevitably freezing so I tried this again. I was nice and toasty as I worked on the computer. The bell rang so I went to unlock the door. As I walked over to the door I noticed a bright red spot on my sweater sleeve. As I unlocked the door and walked back to my desk I was trying to figure out what this spot was because it wasn’t on me when I got to school. In my quest to find the source I found this mystery substance smeared elsewhere on my jacket as well…then there was a HUGE glob on my pants. Apparently in the desk drawer over which sat the heater was a bright red crayon. The heater melted this crayon and it dripped out of the desk onto my pants and subsequently got onto my jacket and smeared a lot…I now am sporting a pair of pants with a bright red spot the size of a mandarin and red smeared all over my jacket which I was able to take off….I am an idiot. Apparently a big one.