Working out

So one of things that I have been doing lately is working out. I used to work out every day when I was in college. It always made me feel great and I loved the adrenaline in my system. I have started a new system where I am working out everyday. Some days are a whole lot harder than others. I started a new running program that I am doing just about every other day. I cannot do it every day because it is intense and there has to be a "rest" day between sessions. During my rest day yesterday I decided to do an ab routine. This was really hard. I did "Abs of Steel". Let me tell you. If I am dedicated enough to do this on a regular basis I am pretty sure I really will have abs of steel. The title does not lie. I was really really sore last night and then this morning I thought I was going to die if I had to move my back in the slightest. After today's run I am feeling a lot better. I really like working out. I hope that if I keep this up and seriously stay dedicated to it I will be able to lose some weight, inches and regret.

I know that this is something that I can do and I am hoping that I continue telling myself that every day. Day 3 went well. Despite the fact that I wanted my run to do itself I got out there and I am really glad I did. I feel great.

Very Tired

So I did not sleep very well last night due to being back in my own bed. I am used to my parent's wonderful temperpedic bed that forms to your body and is all nice and squishy...my bed is really hard by comparison. I had to get up early this morning to make it to work on time. Personally I would have much rather stayed in bed and enjoyed the wonder that is sleeping.

I am trying to move on. I am trying to talk to more guys and see where things take me. I am a little scared though. I want to continue to be friends with Jt and I don't want to hurt him when I go out on a date. I know he would do it to me but I have a feeling that I bounce back better than he does. The only problem is that I am afraid of guys and meeting new people is not always fun and easy.

breathe Brittney. just breathe and do it...

Broken Heart

Do you know those moments when you can just feel your heart breaking? When you realize that you care so much about somebody but they are destroying you at the same time? It was almost like that.

I think as individuals we get into these self destructive modes where we say things that we don't necessarily mean. Where we do things that are not really the way we want things to come out. I feel like something has happened to make us stray so far off course that the anger we feel for other people and other situations plays against those people that mean the most to us. I fear that there are things that are said that were not meant. I fear that the damage is un-mendable. When are we going to forget about our hostilities to others and just be us with us?

Yesterday was a bad day. It was one of those days that you hope was just a dream when you wake up in the morning...I woke up this morning and nothing can take away the things that were said, the pain that is caused, or the anxiety that it leaves.

are we over?

Another day, another exhaustion

So I am beyond tired. I am tired of my 12-13 hour days and the way that I am so tired by the time I get home from work. I am tired of having a stupid break in the middle of the day that causes me anxiety if I leave and makes me feel worthless if I stay. Things need to change...

My life has this interesting way of imploding every once in a while. If the powers that be decide my life is too cozy they tend to through monkey wrenches at me just to see if I can juggle. It is strange. I guess it always keeps me on my toes...but it also always makes me go through these lulls of extreme exhaustion and feelings of inadequacies.

I know that things need to change. I need to find a way to release a lot of my stress and place it else where. I need to let go of those things that are causing me pain and attempt to bring into my life those things that are good and helpful.

I am making changes. I have just come to realize that making these changes can be a very lonely business...

looking forward

This is one of those times that there is so much going on that I just want to fast forward to a better place and time.

it is also a time where I look around and realize how many friends I don't have because they have left...I am down to my last one :(

how does one make friends? how does one make friends when they are juggling 4 jobs?

UC Davis Medical System

So I am an unhappy member of the UC Davis Medical System. I got to experience the wonder that is yesterday....

So some idiot in Stockton decided it was a good idea to run from the cops and create a huge car chase. This happened in the dead of night Monday/Tuesday morning. Around 2:00 am the car chase ended in a cop being pinned between two cars and open gun fire ringing through the night air on the off ramp of Laguna Blvd. I-5 south in Elk Grove.

Jump forward to my doctor appointment Tuesday midmorning (11:30) where I need to travel down I-5 south to Laguna Blvd. and get to my appointment...but oh wait I can't because the exit is closed for investigations. Alright...so now I have to drive all the way down Florin Blvd. to hit highway 99 and then cut south on 99 to Laguna Blvd. and drive from that direction. Therefore, I am late. When I walk into the doctor office it is 11:40. I go to check in. She makes a phone call to the back and says I cannot check in until they call her back and I need to have a seat. I sit. She recieves the call back and the verdict "You are going to have to reschedule." You have got to be kidding me! I cannot reschedule! I have already taken the whole afternoon off work for this! "I am sorry let me get somebody that you can talk to."

Other lady emerges from the back room. "I am sorry ma'am but you are going to have to reschedule because we have a policy that if you are 15 minutes late we move on to the next appointment and therefore the doctor is already with the next patient." I wasn't fifteen minutes late. I was only ten minutes late because somebody decided to shoot at the cops and they closed your freeway exit. How was I supposed to get here any quicker? "leave earlier" Are you kidding me this is ridiculous. I cannot reschedule. I have to be seen. "Let me go talk to the doctor and see what I can do"

"The doctor has another appointment at 1:00 pm in Folsom and if he doesn't leave then he will be late." Then let me see a different doctor I have never met this guy anyways. "I am sorry but the other GI doctor is out until October." Of course he is.

I reschedule..."August 31 is the soonest we can get you in at 1:45" No, I am a teacher and cannot get days off whenever I feel like it. I have to be seen sooner than that. "There are no appointments sooner than that." What about Saturday. I can come in on a Saturday. "We are closed Saturdays." Well then you better open huh. "I am sorry we cannot do that. How about a 3:30 on August 31st? Is that better?" Actually no but I guess I don't really have a choice do I? So the fact that I was ten minutes late means you are refusing to see me but the fact that you have been dragging this out for a year doesn't seem to bother you? Or that you change my appointments constantly becuase you feel like whether it is convient for me or not? Or perhaps that it takes over four months to get a procedure done...none of this matters but me being ten minutes late seems to mean that I am ruining your whole system?!?!

This is assinine!!!

I will be seen on August 31st at 3:30...and this doctor WILL get a piece of my mind!

Beginnning another year.

It is the start of yet another year. I was actually excited to come back to work seeing as home I had such an awful beyond awful summer. Yesterday was the first day with students. I am only part time (60%= 3 classes) and I am teaching drama all day long. I had my dr. appt. yesterday so I didn't even teach my full 3 classes. By the looks of the students coming in during 6th period...it is going to be a long year...I have to start teaching again soon. I will post more later.

ps. I am moving into my new place tomorrow!