Substitute Teacher

So I have a break in my day that is 4 hours long. During this break I am often at my parent's house working out and then showering, having lunch and then returning to school.

Well today I am a substitute teacher which means that I am working literally ALL day long from 7:30 in the morning to 6:00 tonight. That is 10 and a half hours of literal straight work. Not the figurative work that I do most other days. I also don't get to work out because I will be making sure kids don't burn down buildings and attempt to do some work. I have already had to take away 2 electronic devices because they are not allowed on campus during school hours. I currently have a student glaring at me because I took away his ipod at the beginning of the period. I am pretty sure he is playing with his phone now...apparently he doesn't learn very quickly.

Oh well. This is really easy work for a quite a bit more pay.

I am tired. This weekend is going to be rad though.

Fire Alarm

As we are all well aware the current state of weather is torrential down pour. It is raining heavy and steady.

This is the setting that somebody used to be funny and pull the fire alarm. That is right. This means that we have to evacuate.

My class ran out to their evacuation zone. we stood in the ran for 5 minutes. we were allowed back in. In that amount of time it was enough to make me more than soaked. My pants are literally drenched and my hair is now dripping down my back. I don't get to go home until 7:00 tonight...this is going to be fun soaking wet.

Week One

I Have finished week one of my new running program. I was so tired today and didn't want to run at all. I thought I was going to die every minute of it, but I finished. I ran the whole thing for the 3 days with doing other physical activities on the off days. I am tired but also excited that I get to move on to week 2 on Wed after another rest day.

I need to prepare for my CAHSEE prep class that I am going to start teaching now. Enjoy your day :)

Working out

So one of things that I have been doing lately is working out. I used to work out every day when I was in college. It always made me feel great and I loved the adrenaline in my system. I have started a new system where I am working out everyday. Some days are a whole lot harder than others. I started a new running program that I am doing just about every other day. I cannot do it every day because it is intense and there has to be a "rest" day between sessions. During my rest day yesterday I decided to do an ab routine. This was really hard. I did "Abs of Steel". Let me tell you. If I am dedicated enough to do this on a regular basis I am pretty sure I really will have abs of steel. The title does not lie. I was really really sore last night and then this morning I thought I was going to die if I had to move my back in the slightest. After today's run I am feeling a lot better. I really like working out. I hope that if I keep this up and seriously stay dedicated to it I will be able to lose some weight, inches and regret.

I know that this is something that I can do and I am hoping that I continue telling myself that every day. Day 3 went well. Despite the fact that I wanted my run to do itself I got out there and I am really glad I did. I feel great.

Very Tired

So I did not sleep very well last night due to being back in my own bed. I am used to my parent's wonderful temperpedic bed that forms to your body and is all nice and squishy...my bed is really hard by comparison. I had to get up early this morning to make it to work on time. Personally I would have much rather stayed in bed and enjoyed the wonder that is sleeping.

I am trying to move on. I am trying to talk to more guys and see where things take me. I am a little scared though. I want to continue to be friends with Jt and I don't want to hurt him when I go out on a date. I know he would do it to me but I have a feeling that I bounce back better than he does. The only problem is that I am afraid of guys and meeting new people is not always fun and easy.

breathe Brittney. just breathe and do it...

Broken Heart

Do you know those moments when you can just feel your heart breaking? When you realize that you care so much about somebody but they are destroying you at the same time? It was almost like that.

I think as individuals we get into these self destructive modes where we say things that we don't necessarily mean. Where we do things that are not really the way we want things to come out. I feel like something has happened to make us stray so far off course that the anger we feel for other people and other situations plays against those people that mean the most to us. I fear that there are things that are said that were not meant. I fear that the damage is un-mendable. When are we going to forget about our hostilities to others and just be us with us?

Yesterday was a bad day. It was one of those days that you hope was just a dream when you wake up in the morning...I woke up this morning and nothing can take away the things that were said, the pain that is caused, or the anxiety that it leaves.

are we over?

Another day, another exhaustion

So I am beyond tired. I am tired of my 12-13 hour days and the way that I am so tired by the time I get home from work. I am tired of having a stupid break in the middle of the day that causes me anxiety if I leave and makes me feel worthless if I stay. Things need to change...

My life has this interesting way of imploding every once in a while. If the powers that be decide my life is too cozy they tend to through monkey wrenches at me just to see if I can juggle. It is strange. I guess it always keeps me on my toes...but it also always makes me go through these lulls of extreme exhaustion and feelings of inadequacies.

I know that things need to change. I need to find a way to release a lot of my stress and place it else where. I need to let go of those things that are causing me pain and attempt to bring into my life those things that are good and helpful.

I am making changes. I have just come to realize that making these changes can be a very lonely business...