So today was another one of those days that seriously make me question my job. It is like no matter what I do and how hard I try it is all for not. It is almost as if I cannot win this game. I can try a million things and the students are still going to be difficult, still going to be caddy and still going to talk crap about each other, other schools, projects, assignments and me. I don't feel as though I am actually making a difference. I don't feel as though my time is being well used and effective. I don't think that the students realize that their demeanor and actions have such a large impact on everybody around them.
I am having the most trouble with my seniors. the seniors have decided that I am pretty much worthless and so they are spreading these "facts" on to the younger classes. When I originally started the year I had over 40 freshmen that were super excited about theatre and learning new things. Now I don't have many at all. I want to create an atmosphere for students to be able to learn and grow, not just hang out and talk with there friend; they can do that at lunch. The problem is that the seniors are doing everything in their power to destroy the shine of the freshmen and bring them down.
I am over it. I am over teaching and I want to move on to something that I am seriously good at and wont be chastised for every six seconds by individuals that obviously don't know what they are talking about. Does a job like this actually exist? Is is possible to find a place that is so securely my own that I will not feel the wrath of those that are far less qualified but obviously more vocal? I sit here and I wonder...is teaching really the profession for me? Should I move on to something that is more suited for my nature?
Can I just be a student for the rest of my life? Is that allowed?