Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Getting Over It

This has been my heart for the last month.

This past couple weeks have been pretty hard. I am trying to get over a few things in my life that are a bit hard hitting. I need to get over the boy that I love beyond all reason. It is seriously the most painful thing I have ever tried to do...even after having 6 surgeries in two years. This is the type of pain that hits deep into the soul and leaves bruises behind for a long time...I don't like it. I don't like hurting and crying and knowing that I love somebody well more than they love me. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Why doesn't he love me? Between the falling apart of my job and the decimation of my most intimate relationship it is hard for me to want to get out of bed in the morning.

Diane told me I need to cut off all communication. I need to ask him to stop texting, stop calling and get my key back for my apartment. It hurts so bad. The mere idea of it is heart wrenching and painful. I know that I need to do it. I know that I need to fix things in my life so that I can get back on my feet and move on...it is just the scarriest thing I have ever done. I don't know how to breath right now. I am scared.

I want what is best for me but I have to put my big boy pants on and do it. I need to open my heart to mending.

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