I have been trying to figure out how to live my life now that it has changed so intensely so rapidly. I have come to realize that although something I loved beyond all reason is over it doesn't mean everything else is over. I know that there are still going to be some insanely hard days and I am sure that I am going to cry a few more times but honestly I think I can do this...well at least I am trying to be optimistic about doing this.
Today start testing started at my lovely school. Now most of us, teachers that is, HATE star testing with a vehement passion! It is seriously the most boring waste of time ever! We are not supposed to read, grade work, lesson plan or anything while we are observing/administering the star test. It is really quite stupid we are supposed to literally stare at students who are taking a test. It is stupid. However I think they are doing it a little differently this year; I only had to worry about star testing for an hour today. At 8:40 I was done with the testing and because I don't teach first period I have a nice long break until 10:24...I thought this was pretty cool. Almost 2 hours before I am technically responsible for any students. YES!
On a completely different note: I am ready Eat, Pray, Love right now. I honestly think that this book is what is helping me the most in this search for healing. I don't exactly know what it is doing to my brain and me but I do know that with everything I read I think of a new thing that could help either Jt or me. Through reading I have been able to adopt some perspective and in so doing a few ideas that are not too shabby as to what might help us. I don't mean that I will be moving to Italy, India or Indonesia any time soon (some of her experiences sound absolutely awful to be honest...who would want to live in India for four months where they had to get up at 3:30 in the morning and don't get to go to bed till at least 9:00 at nigt...not me! I like sleeping) However, I do believe that there are some things she does that I need to do in order to help me heal my soul as well as myself. I have a feeling that the more I read this book the better and better I am going to feel. I also know that as I learn to accept these things and heal my heart I will be in a better situation to be loved by somebody the way that I love them...something that was seriously missing from my last relationship.