Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Spring Break

This is honestly the best time I have had in a really long time. I honestly sleep in til whenever I want, unless of course a boy sends you a text message in which case you wake up and can't go back to sleep....it WAS 9:30 though so it wasn't like it was early or anything. Once I finally get up I tend to watch some TV as I work out. It is actually quite lovely. I can use my wii to work out as I watch anything i want. It allows me to be entertained and avoid the annoying music that goes along with some of the wii workouts. After I have worked out for quite a while I tend to have a little lunch, shower and get ready for my day. The first few days of break I have had to work job #2 for a few hours. It isn't particularly that bad but it also makes me get out of the house and go somewhere...otherwise I am sure I would while away the hours reading books and watching TV...generally doing nothing.

I haven't figured out what is going on with that boy and I yet but I actually feel strangely ok with where we are. Yesterday at work I only had one student so I wrote a letter to him. It was pretty much everything I thought about the whole situation, even down to knowing that I can find happiness else where if that is the choice that we make. I am not delusional. I know that if everything does not work out with Jt I will be happy later. I know that I can find somebody else that I will love and want to be with...the stupid part is that right now I don't really want to go down that road. I don't know what is going on. I know the logical thing to do. I know what any safe and normal person would do but then I am afraid that if I take the safe road I will constantly look back and say "what if?" I don't want to do that. I might be being a baby about the whole thing but I do love him. I do want to be with him forever. I just need to know that he isn't going to freak out a few months from now...I need to know that I am not in danger of getting hurt all the time. I don't like it when he makes me cry and I don't want to cry anymore. I am confused.

Well correction: I am not confused I know what I want. I just don't know if I am going to be able to get it.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

Logic and emotion seem unable to agree sometimes. You know what is best for you, even if you don't want it. Luckily sometimes what we do want is what we need, but you still have to go through the process to figure that out.