This is honestly the best time I have had in a really long time. I honestly sleep in til whenever I want, unless of course a boy sends you a text message in which case you wake up and can't go back to sleep....it WAS 9:30 though so it wasn't like it was early or anything. Once I finally get up I tend to watch some TV as I work out. It is actually quite lovely. I can use my wii to work out as I watch anything i want. It allows me to be entertained and avoid the annoying music that goes along with some of the wii workouts. After I have worked out for quite a while I tend to have a little lunch, shower and get ready for my day. The first few days of break I have had to work job #2 for a few hours. It isn't particularly that bad but it also makes me get out of the house and go somewhere...otherwise I am sure I would while away the hours reading books and watching TV...generally doing nothing.
I haven't figured out what is going on with that boy and I yet but I actually feel strangely ok with where we are. Yesterday at work I only had one student so I wrote a letter to him. It was pretty much everything I thought about the whole situation, even down to knowing that I can find happiness else where if that is the choice that we make. I am not delusional. I know that if everything does not work out with Jt I will be happy later. I know that I can find somebody else that I will love and want to be with...the stupid part is that right now I don't really want to go down that road. I don't know what is going on. I know the logical thing to do. I know what any safe and normal person would do but then I am afraid that if I take the safe road I will constantly look back and say "what if?" I don't want to do that. I might be being a baby about the whole thing but I do love him. I do want to be with him forever. I just need to know that he isn't going to freak out a few months from now...I need to know that I am not in danger of getting hurt all the time. I don't like it when he makes me cry and I don't want to cry anymore. I am confused.
Well correction: I am not confused I know what I want. I just don't know if I am going to be able to get it.