Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Day 2

So today is proving to be another extremely long day. Fourth period isnt even over yet and I have open house tonight. I am trying to force myself to stay busy and surrounded by things other than my thoughts. My stomach hurts so bad and I don't feel like eating anything. I just want to crawl back into my bed and cry. I don't understand. I don't know why things are happening like this.

Yesterday he was in my house for an undisclosed amount of time. When I was feeding Reeses I noticed that there were a lot more beers in the recycle bin. I looked in the fridge and there was a lot of beer missing from there too. Therefore he had to have come for quite a while to have gone through so many, and he probably took some home with him too. Why was he there? That is my house. He did this he isn't allowed to come in whenever he wants just because he still has the key. If he didn't want to leave then he shouldn't have. He cannot have it both ways though. He cannot break my heart and come in whenever he wants. That isn't fair to me.

I spent the entire lunch hysterical. 32 minutes of just straight blubbering. I am sure that if the door had been unlocked and somebody had walked in I would have been quite the sight. I am having trouble functioning normally. I don't understand what is going on or what to do. I feel like fundamental truths are caving in on me and I have somewhat lost my identity in this whole mess. I don't know how I am going to keep going but I know that it has to happen.

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